While I was in the process of growing into an adult and discovering my place in the world, Dad’s drinking had escalated to a point that he was drinking heavily everyday. This was taking a toll on every part of his life and the lives of everyone around him. Mom was being put down everyday. At work he demanded a better job and more money from his employers. Mysterious dents were seen on his car in the morning after a bender. He had blackouts regularly. His weight had ballooned. He continued to light one cigarette off the other. He would talk wildly about schemes to make himself rich. He was in his late forties, and his life was unraveling in front of us. He lost his job at Cardox because he said he didn’t get the promotion he demanded. He was unemployed for about six weeks, and finally found a job at Falcon Safety Products in Mountainside, NJ. When he was home he was often seen lying on the couch or in his easy chair doing the New York Times crossword puzzle, reading a book, or watching TV. Dad always had a lit cigarette and a cocktail nearby. His red eyes and slurred speech communicated how long he’d been drinking. He rarely asked about me or Robin, or volunteered information about himself. He was in his own little world. As he drank his mood would often swing wildly, from gregarious and funny, to somber and critical. I remember him meeting Robin for the first time. He put his arm around her and told her how cute she was with a big smile on his face. One time when he came home from work, he saw my textbooks on the entry room table and yelled, “how many times do I have to tell you kids not to put your goddamn books here,” and he picked them up and threw them out the front door. When we ate together at dinner, he would use this time to share his opinions about world events, not asking anyone else’s opinion. No doubt, he was a smart man. He had the best educational foundation a person could have. Dad was well read. I saw the best and worst of him during my lifetime. From a young man with a sparkling personality, confident, quick-witted, intelligent, open-minded, classy, and successful. To a self-centered, entitled, unemployed, opinionated, addicted, weak, and bullying middle-aged man. A typical day for him was a reflection of his entire life – he would get up early dressed perfectly in a sharp $500 suit with a crisp white shirt and tie, sober and eager to take on the day at 7:00 a.m. The day would end with him coming in the door drunk at 7:00 p.m., clothes rumpled and tie undone. There were signs that things weren’t going well financially with us either. We had a drawer full of unpaid bills. I often heard Mom and Dad arguing about how they were going to make it through the next month. Things were broken around the house that never got fixed. Nearly every night Dad got drunk. He always started the day with a mixed drink but ended it with a tall glass of straight Vodka. I was in denial over most of this. I focused on my girlfriend, my studies, and my part-time work. In the back of my mind though, I knew this couldn’t continue, and it didn’t for long.