Another brainstorm of Johnny’s was the time he suggested we steal a watermelon from Farmer Kelly’s field. Yes, that’s the place being protected by crazy grandpa Kelly and his salt pellet shotgun. We snuck onto the field and rolled out a ripe one, the biggest we could find. We then realized in order for it to be a perfect crime we’d have to eat up all the evidence. We spent the good part of an hour eating that fruit as fast as we could, spitting out dozens of seeds, and quickly taking another mouthful while being vigilant — looking out for grandpa Kelly, parents, other kids, mountain lions, anything that might foil our plan. We were so sick from consuming that huge watermelon that, to this day, I won’t eat any form of melon. Later in life when I was in college, I got a summer job working in a produce department. One of my routine tasks? Cutting watermelon for customers. My boss told me when I got the job, “You will be the envy of everybody. You get to eat as much watermelon as you want, for free.” I know now that God has a wicked sense of humor.

NEXT UP – Crazy Daisy